We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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