Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
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Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
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His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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