Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
