I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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