You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
If I die, sorry about rent.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
