Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
