Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
