Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
