i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
