I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
