after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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