I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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