were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
