thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
