Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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