atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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