I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
