did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
