Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
