I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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