I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize