So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just blew my weed a kiss
I need to wash the frat house off of me
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
