he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
