This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
