Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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