So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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