youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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