I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
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next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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