if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
