Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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