Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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