she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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