the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
