You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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