I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
