i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
