I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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