I hate your face
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I met the friendliest cop last night
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
