just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Even my vagina gasped.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
