Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
