Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Sext me about skeletons
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
