Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
