im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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