I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
