just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
