he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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