Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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