I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize