im drinking this country out of the recession.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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