I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
