so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
