Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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