I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
