Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
