he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
