She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
