Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
