I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize