if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
