we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We're too hungover to prance.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
