dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
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He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
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why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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