my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
