Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
