I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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