After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm just crazy horny about you
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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