i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
