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Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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