He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Randomize
