so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
