i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
