yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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