I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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