I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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