It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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