i need an iv and a liver transplant
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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