You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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