Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
